The Secret Diary of Ganon
by Zakiu
Summary: Basically, the secret thoughts of Ganon in Ocarina of Time.


The Secret Diary of Ganon

Day 1: Went to suck up to King of Hyrule in order to prepare for revolt. Think Zelda suspects me.

Day 5: Zelda's boyfriend off to find three engagement stones Have decided not to tell Zelda that one is an engagement stone from nasty-looking naked fish. Do not want to arouse suspicions further.

Day 7: Hey! Mystic seeing powers better than cable! Link has lots of girls after him. Will see how long stays loyal to Zelda.

Day 8: Weakening.

Day 9: Weakening.

Day 10: Weaken, you confounded fool!

Day 11: Finally weakened! Was shut up in giant fish for few hours with nasty-looking naked fish fiancée. Want to tell Zelda, but revolt is too close.

Memo: King of Hyrule wants to have tea in the garden. Must wear fancy cloak.

Day 13: Could not resist. As was leading revolt, told Zelda how unloyal boyfriend was. Got v. mad and threw things at me, then escaped. Stupid Zelda. Have already turned father into boat. Must do same for her.

Day 14: This is great! Boyfriend was actually collecting Spiritual Stones! Now all need is Ocarina of Time. Zelda threw it at Boyfriend in revenge, but girl has horrible aim. Landed in moat. Did not want to get cloak wet (grabbed fancy one for tea later), so terrorized boyfriend and made him go get it. Unfortunately, lost Zelda. Oh well. Such fun terrorizing boyfriend!

Day 15: When boyfriend opened Door of Time, made big appearance and got to laugh evilly. Also stole triforce. GO ME! Unfortunately, broke into three shards. Got Shard of Power. Must get other two. Boyfriend stuck in Temple of Time... Hope he blacks out those years like the others. Rauru can be NASTY.

Memo: Turn Hyrule into destructive land of evil

Day 2826: Have succeeded in turning Hyrule into destructive land of chaos. Yay! Plus boyfriend woke up. Finally. Now it is possible to see Zelda again. Have been so bored that had to stoop to creating monsters to kill sages.

Memo: Meeting with myself on how to design Iron Knuckes: Nasty or Vicious?

Day 2827: Seems boyfriend's name is Link. Met up with odd person named Sheik.

Day 2828: What is boyfriend doing in Forest Temple?

Memo: Banish Phantom Ganon to another dimension. Should have made him Expert level instead of Anyone Can Beat the Thing level.

Day 2830: Decided to buy dragon from untrustworthy peddler. Will use it to eat Gorons. The world has enough fat as it is. YAY! Whoa... just noticed something. Does Link have the Master Sword???

Memo: Send someone to capture insane little goron dude who's rolling around the second level of Goron City. Is making me dizzy.

Day 2840: Link killed my dragon and managed to rescue his nasty-looking naked fish fiancée. Must program harder bosses. I TOLD them to kill the sages, but I guess they just aren't smart enough for that...

Memo: Is Sheik stalking Link? Could he be a cross-dresser, or is he gay? Look into this in spare time.

Day 2845: Okay, so he killed mom. I mean, she was old, about 400, but still. I mean, they were my mom(s)! Damn, now I'll never find out who Daddy was... Whoa, bad images. There's only one greudo man born every 100 years, right??? So... who WAS daddy??? Anyway, should probably take Link more seriously... Yeah right.

Memo: Look into Greudo bloodline.

Day 2850: Link has brought Zelda into the open. Turns out she was Sheik. Had no idea Zelda was cross-dresser! Anyway, brought to castle to continue boat-making rituals. Father is floating nicely in the pond behind the lava. It is nice to see water when suspended on floating castle with lots of lava. Not to mention King of Hyrule calls me funny names... but then I threaten to throw him in MY moat, and he shuts up pretty quick!

Day 2854: Someone made up a Link song about him killing me and freeing Zelda. Hate prophecies that don't turn out my way...

Day 2860: Link is coming for Zelda. Will probably try to kill me. Oh well. I've already been revived... it's not that bad. Hope get cast into separate dimension. Am already quite well established in many of them, great vacation homes. Oh yeah, and that little detail about me being the Emperor of the Dark Realm usually gets me some pretty nice suites without me having to pay anything!

Memo: Try to make spell on King of Hyrule permanent, and try to get scrying equipment. REALLY like mystic seeing powers! There's only soap operas in the other dimensions. I've already seen all of them and the reruns. SO boring.

Day 2863: Yep. Link tried to kill me. But Zelda only sealed me away into the Dark Realm. Hoped she would pick better vacation spot, but beggars can't be choosers. Dark Realm is just so... dark. Oh well. Still have Triforce of Power. Plan to come back in a few hundred years to take over world again. It was fun while it lasted, but I defiantly need the break. Turning a country evil totally exhausted me!


End file.
